By Ravi Singh Negi
Marriage is an arrangement to fulfill persons’ social, physical, psychological, financial needs and certain aspects of life in a dignified manner. Increased marital conflicts resulting in high rates of divorce between married couples has become a matter of concern for society and sociologists in India. Although, the divorce rate is around 1% in India, yet marital disputes are rapidly on the increase. There are a number of reasons for marital conflicts, which include incompatibility, infidelity, financial stress, sexual problems, alcoholism, medical problems, adjustment with in-laws, responsibility of children and family, fundamental differences in values, life goals, communication and few other social and individual factors that make a lasting union difficult.
We usually come across two phrases – successful marriage and happy marriage. Successful marriage is the marriage which ends till the natural death of a spouse, whereas happy marriage is the marriage without any problem and conflict between married couple. The latter is impossible. So literally, a fully happy marriage is impossible instead a satisfactory marriage can be called a happy marriage. Success in marriage does not predict a hundred percent happy marriage. General concept of a happy marriage is a considerable amount of adjustment by the couple in solving their differences and not allowing unsolved conflicts come out of the home. But certainly, a successful marriage is a satisfactory marriage.
The majority of people in our country still believe in – ‘Marriages are made in heaven’, and ‘Kundali Milan’. If marriages are made in heaven, then why does divorce take place? If heaven or some divine power is involved in fixing the marriage, then do we have any choice? Is there any need of approaching matrimonial sites which help in finding the suitable match? As far as horoscope matching is concerned, it is also a matter of faith. Having faith in something is not bad but it should be logical. Our horoscope matching system needs innovative methods.
Marriage is basically an arrangement between two individuals and their families. Before marriage, it is necessary for both to know each other and investigate the families, their social, educational and family status, their culture, including their background. A would be couple should have compatibility with each other, know future plans of one another, where they would like to stay after marriage, their notion about child-bearing and their education, financial requirements and management, studies and career after marriage, freedom after marriage and many other things depending upon individual to individual. Either it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, courtship is a very important part. Courtship should go on for a minimum of three months during which all the above aspects or even more should be discussed between the would be couple and their families. If the differences are more, they should not proceed further. In love marriage, whether it is erotic or platonic love, due to some fear of rejection on both the sides such things are rarely discussed. Besides the above points of discussion, would be couple should be aware of their duties, responsibilities and their rights as an individual, as a couple and as a family member after marriage. It should always be kept in mind that marriage is a union of two different personalities and sexes. They have their own needs and style of living. They need some privacy and independence.
Remember, marriage is not a bed of roses and when you marry, you invite happiness with troubles. Our youngsters should be well aware of the deep meaning and repercussions of marriage and divorce and their legal effects and complications. However, all the troubles and conflicts are part of marriage and cannot be avoided completely yet can be reduced to a minimum to lead a successful marriage. For this purpose, it is strongly recommended that all youngsters must take at least one premarital counselling session with an experienced counsellor.
(The writer is an Advocate, Social Worker and Marriage Counsellor with experience of almost 20 years in the field)
