By Raj Lakshmi Dube
Every morning, with your morning tea in hand, open the door and pick up the newspaper. More often than not, on the front page is the news of a murder, some of which would be a crime committed by a Gen Z woman. Today’s woman does not tolerate an abusive relationship or any other in which she is not comfortable. Economic or social status matters not, not even education; she is guided by her heart’s desire. If the parents have selected a life partner for her, she might pretend to be happy, although she might be having a boyfriend on the side whom she is convinced her parents will not approve of because he is much below her social status. The so-called boyfriend becomes her partner in crime. For her heart’s desire, she will kill or have him killed if she does not have the physical strength or he does not have the guts to carry it out. She takes the help of her friend or drugs or any other means to do away with the fiancé or the husband, making use of varied means of murdering him, after mostly weeks planned in advance. The planning consists of different ways of killing. It could be pushing him over the edge of a mountain, or giving him drugs to make him unconscious, then killing him and cutting up the body and sealing it in a cement drum so the smell does not escape, or burying him under the floor, or getting a flower bed constructed to bury him. Unbelievable for the earlier generation, or the so-called baby boomers.
As far as her lifestyle is concerned, “it is my way” could be under peer pressure or an attempt to appear modern and hep with the times. She will wear mini or micro-mini dresses and walk out of the house and care not what anyone might think, or about catcalls or lewd remarks, aping the West. Our Gen Z girls have come of age, whether it is drinking alcohol with unknown people or late nights.
Alone, she will visit a pub at late night. These have sprung up like mushrooms in all metros. She consumes drinks with the excuse of unwinding, sits at the table with unknown men, accepts their offer of a lift and takes the risk of rape. If she has a same-sex orientation, she will openly state her choice to her parents. There is also a certain kind of acceptance because they do not wish to be labelled as old-fashioned.
They are influenced by the West with all the behaviour except for working hard and the dignity of labour. Everything should be served on a silver platter. The funding of their education abroad, foreign trips, luxury holidays, branded clothes and footwear. What a contrast to the earlier generation.
Now let us look back, starting from the Vedic times. There was some amount of equality between the sexes; it seems that this too was limited to the upper castes, with examples such as Maitreyi. Even till the Buddhist era, women could strive for education and equality. Even before the advent of the Mughals, some forms of purdah existed. Under the Mughals, the institutionalisation of the royal zenana took a more distinct form, particularly under Akbar. Although the Mughals did not start purdah, the practice gained momentum in some elite contexts.
Manu Smriti represents a later attempt to formulate and organise the ideals concerning the social and religious order. It represents continuity and change. It was not one book or written by one person, but its composition involved successive compilers and editors over a period of time. It is generally dated by scholars to approximately the 2nd century BCE to the 2nd century CE. It has been revised a number of times, and its teachings cannot be applied to the whole society. It is not a yardstick to measure the status of women. Those who quote the Manu Smriti are probably not aware of it.
Over the ages, women went through inequality, suppression, and social evils like Sati and child marriages, and jauhar was the ultimate sacrifice so that they did not fall into the hands of conquerors who would treat them as their prizes won in war. This was somewhat curtailed by the efforts of Raja Rammohan Roy, who fought against sati, leading to the regulation introduced under Lord William Bentinck in 1829. However, other social practices continued in many parts of the country even till independence.
After independence, the middle-class women generally did not go out to work unless there was an economic need to support the family. The purdah system still existed. As narrated to me by my mother, the whole driveway from the main gate to the house was covered on both sides by a cloth screen till the horse cart or the buggy in which they were travelling reached the house. My own grandmother became a widow at a young age. She shaved off her head, wore dull orange clothes (gerua) and carried a stick to protect herself from unwanted attention. It was only for survival that she educated herself, and to bring up her children, she worked as a hostel warden. The male mindset in our society is very difficult to change. Even as late as the last century, a single woman was a threat to every married woman. I have myself faced such a situation when I lost my husband in 1989. Even in a public-sector office of a huge company, where I was appointed on compassionate grounds, I have faced offers I pretended not to understand or open invitations which I had to refuse and report to the higher-ups.
But now the situation has turned 180 degrees. The girls have found freedom and do not hesitate to use or misuse it. After dark, the cities are crawling with men with ulterior motives. They have been brought up to treat women like an object. The lower class know not how to treat a woman, and the higher classes or a boss will ensnare a woman with promotion, expensive gifts or a foreign tour with the boss. Child rape has also become common, whether by a trusted neighbour or a family member, age no bar. Many cases are not even taken cognizance of or reported to the police because rape would be a social stigma and it would be difficult for the girl to get married later. The so-called incident is suppressed and covered under many layers of social practice.
Prevention is always better than cure. The daughters are very precious and should be treated as such. Now, what I have understood after living for more than 7 decades and seen and experienced the changing world, we need to take certain basic precautions.
Right from childhood, even a small girl child should be protected; keep an eye on her, and do not leave her alone with a male member, whether relative or a neighbour. Trust no one. Once she starts going to school, drop and pick her up yourself, although the schools have become very particular about the guardians who have ID cards. However, recently a case came to light where a girl child would go to her grandparents’ house after school, which was the safest option as both parents were working. The day grandmother was not at home, she was raped by her own grandfather. This was perhaps a very rare case. But this can also happen. Educate her about good touch and bad touch. Teach her about strangers who may tell her that they have come to pick her up as the parents have had an accident, or any such excuse.
The teenage years are most difficult to handle. She has just found her wings and wants to fly unhindered. She would want night-outs or sleepovers with her friends. Care should be taken to meet all the family members, especially male members, and confirm that the parents would be home during her visit. In the present scenario, just saying no is not enough; convince her that it is for her own security.
Once she finishes school, she is ready for college in a strange city and unknown classmates or their backgrounds. Explain the hazards of living alone and the basic precautions she must take to protect herself. If possible, have her learn self-defence like karate or taekwondo, etc., so that she may be able to keep the wolves at bay till help arrives. Shout and scream and make a lot of noise. She would want to go to movies with her friends, but late-night shows should not be allowed. Track her phone to know her location at any given time. All smartphones have it.
The adult daughter starts working in an office. She can get late at work, no excuse that, being a woman, she would need to leave early. If such a situation arises, she should ask a trusted colleague to accompany her on dark roads till she gets transport home. Do not enter an empty bus or a cab in which more than one person is travelling. Carry pepper spray for defending oneself.
The 1978 Geeta and Sanjay Chopra case is still remembered as one of the most notorious kidnapping, sexual assault and murder cases in India. The brother and sister were offered a lift; Geeta was sexually assaulted and later both siblings were killed. The most cruel and horrendous case of Nirbhaya is still fresh in our memories, yet there are still cases of sexual assault in moving buses. There are umpteen such cases not even reported. We cannot control the mindset of males who do not even understand that a No is a No, but we can counsel our daughters to take precautions.
Let them fly, but with some basic safety protection.
(Raj Lakshmi Dube is a freelancer, who writes on whatever affects her.)
