MY LITTLE BLACK BOOK

Remember the days gone by, when telephones had just made an appearance? Which led to the advent of phone books or diaries in which one painstakingly noted down names, addresses and the all important phone numbers, with the state prefix…all in alphabetical order.

This diary came to be notoriously called the little black book on the basis of some smart alecs who maintained discreet diaries which had the numbers of romantic partners and secret crushes.

Of course, now in place of the little black book many would have secret numbers saved under unsuspecting names in one’s phone, but this story is not about those little escapades. Who are the special people who make it to the contact list of anyone’s phone is something to ponder about.

Which led me to glance at my contact list and guess what I found? Most of them were men! There you go, you naughty minds…on an overdrive!

Out of the list of seventeen hundred odd contacts, almost two thirds were not friends, family, aquaintances or even an old crush or two, but they were men who were oh! so important in my life! I can see your eyes glinting but sorry to disappoint you, they were not old admirers either. Go on, take a wild guess…

Let’s cut to the chase and start alphabetically.

Under ‘A’, I had an accountant, an acupuncturist , an advocate (actually more than one) and an architect or two (one never knows when the need arises for this breed) and a new entry – AC repairman this one’s a specialist, he doesn’t come under electrician…that’s too plebian) and most important of all, a host of Airtel technicians’ numbers. Honestly, I’ve even forgotten whom they belong to and why I’ve saved so many of them, but who knows which number I may need one day (since the presence of Airtel is all pervading in this household), so they all stay.

So sing along with me –

‘An acupuncturist, an accountant

An advocate or two

An architect, and yes – the AC repairman

To keep away the summer blues…

Airtel numbers galore

For the TV, the phone and even the wifi

Which now isn’t so slow!’

‘B’ had a couple of bakers, bank managers, my all important barber (I refuse to call him hair dresser cause all he does is cut my wayward locks…the same way each time…ho hum…now who’s the lazy one here?) and a butcher too (so help me God). This took my mind back to the old nursery rhyme, Rub a dub dub, Three men in a tub, The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker…

‘C’ was simple enough. A few cooks, some cleaning agencies, a couple of courier services and my most important service provider – a Computer professional. My go to man whenever I encounter a glitch in my computer. And I definitely cannot forget my carpenters (the main one and a host of other sundry carpenters in case of an emergency. You see, these guys have a way of disappearing when one needs them most). The carpet wash guy, the CCTV guy and the curtains’ tailor (Yup, that’s how he’s saved in my list of contacts. Must ask him his name next time).

‘D’ for me is the most important. DOCTORS! All kinds. From the humble physician to the specialist – the dermatologist, the cardiologist, the ENT, the orthopaedic surgeon, the eye specialist…you name them, they’re all there! Even a homeopathic doctor or two. Drivers, the dry cleaner, the dhobi (no, he doesn’t come under W), a drain cleaner and even a dog handler…just in case I get a dog one day and he needs to be trained…never say never. Oooops, I forgot another important one…Dentist! So, to be safe I have at least four in my list just in case one is on holiday and another is ill and the third one doesn’t pick up his call…

‘E’ has another important man in my life, the electrician…in fact I have two…you guessed it! Just in case! That’s it. Short and sweet.

‘F’ is for fabricator, a florist, the firestation (yes, that’s not a man but it is manned by many men, don’t you agree?) the fishmonger and the fruitseller.

‘G’ has gardeners…plenty of them (no, you desi people , contrary to what you are thinking, this lot is not saved under M!) It’s another matter altogether that when one actually needs them, none are available. Gas repair man, the gas cylinder provider and the grocer.

‘I’ has illustrators (surprise! some are women, finally!) ironsmith and the invertor guy.

‘J’….oooh this sounds interesting. My jeweller is under this alphabet! It’s another thing that all we do is exchange new year greetings each year, though these days I do get an occasional message saying, ‘Gold rate down! Hurry! Buy before it’s too late!’ Or sometimes that’s just the opposite, ‘Gold rate up! Hurry, before it is too late!’ Make up your mind, fella! Late for what?? As my mother would say, ‘What’s the rush? Where’s the party??’

‘K’ begins with kabari (no, I refuse to write scrap dealer…I’ll never be able to find him when I need him) and Khaad provider. That’s right…’Khaad’! Imagine if I had saved him under manure provider he would have slipped into oblivion among those seventeen hundred odd contacts! A classic example of thinking in one’s mother tongue and writing in English!

‘L’ is lonesome on its ownsome as are ‘H’ and ‘J’.

All three left this page and went out to play.

But then we have ‘M’! And it’s a riot. Maids! All colours, shapes and sizes! And they’re all women! Hoards of them, but then again when the need arises, either the numbers don’t work or they are picked up by total strangers and it’s an exercise in futility. But yet one soldiers on, refusing to delete the numbers…just in case…one day…And masons (We’re back to men again).

‘N’ has the nursery guys…three or four, whom I remember each October when my flower beds are ready to receive the baby plants.

‘O’ for optician. Heavens! I’m beginning to sound like a pre – primary class teacher!

‘P’ has some interesting men …painters and polishers. My favourite kinds, not the men, silly, just the work they do! And pandits…just one or two. No need to get too close to that tribe, but one does need them on occasions so here they are…in my list. Also the pest control man, the photographer, the neighbourhood policeman, the physiotherapist, the printer and some publishers. And plumbers (like the carpenters, there is one main guy and sundry other ones…just in case).

‘S’ is for Samsung repairmen. The phone, the washing machine, the TV the microwave the fridge and no, I’m not plugging Samsung here or Airtel for that matter. Just feel very fuzzy and warm and safe with all these numbers in my kitty, though somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I do know that none will work when I actually need them, but like I said earlier, never say never…

‘T’ is for tile layers and taxi guys and the tank cleaner and the tailor.

‘V’ is for the vegetable vendor…just one. I’m loyal to this one, or on the other hand, maybe I have no choice…

‘W’ is for the water purifier guy, the welder and the whitewash guy(s).

‘Y’ is for yoga instructors who are waiting patiently for me to call them…one day.

Out in the garden, one fine day

‘Z’ has gone to play

With its three friends, ‘L’, ‘H’ and ‘J’.

And they look so happy and gay.

And so dear readers…

‘These are a few of my favourite men

When I’m feeling blue

When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember one of my favourite men

Give them a call, and start

A bit of polishing here, some painting there

And then I don’t feel…so bad!’

Now, hold your horses. Before you bestow upon me the title of a walking, talking encyclopedia and get into a tizzy and pick up the phone to dial my number – I’m on a sabbatical.