By Col Prem Thapa (Retd)
When a TV journo at Jammu airfield on the fateful nights of 8-9 May ‘25, in some obviously nervous state was seen reporting rather incoherently, the aerial battles blasting all around him, things really looked unpleasant for him. No wonder, he had no such experience … and the army men with whom he was seen moving around for some comfort and information, looked with dismayed indulgence at his self-inflicted disposition determining his unnecessary presence.
The raging debate across the country about its success will however continue for a while longer, but there is always time to take a break from yesterday’s ‘Blitzkrieg’ … to take the heat off and indulge our soldiers’ diligence in daft and wacky creations also, in which they excel equally. So, a peek into their hardy routine sometimes may help to understand that they are also as human as everybody else … and not ‘perfect prefects’ as often made out to be. Thus, humour in the Armed Forces is as old as the days when laymen in China took up military duties and strutted in colourful uniforms but still discharging the gunpowder so noisily (after inventing it) that it blackened their faces more than it harmed the enemy.
And its silent progress to present times is phenomenal and here is one of them. It’s rather old but its matchless quality has perhaps found permanent notoriety. Sepoy Santa Singh, Sikh Regiment, (not his true name) was lost in the jungles of Burma while retreating during the onslaught of Japanese advance in 1941-42; and was given up as dead or captured after many months of total disappearance in those most treacherous forest wilds. But he suddenly surfaced in some front line of Kohima – Theatre HQ, long afterwards to the surprise of many. When asked how he made it, he replied, “By Map Reading, Saheb.” When further asked to show the map, he produced a tattered piece of London Roads and Railways chart still preserved in his tattered uniform pocket. No further questions were asked and he was immediately re-enlisted and sent back to his original unit which was regrouping for counter offensive. (The infamy of this rather distorted story lies in some truer incident perhaps and every unit who took part in Burma campaign, claim him as their man Crusoe).
Let’s go a bit further in that same era … and they can still elicit humour despite straight faces and stern looks. When the mule kicked the Gorkha who was following the animal, right on his forehead, lo and behold, it was the mule who broke its leg (and mercifully disposed of with a quick bullet to its head to relieve it from further misery), while the soldier simply rubbed his head to remove a slight headache and marched on. This minor accident is also perhaps born of some true incident and recorded during marches with the packed animals, to elicit some relief from their life of drudgery and now listed under titles such as ‘believe it or not’.
And their leisure hours in the Officers’ Mess is a loaded chapter. During a formal dinner, a young Captain in his liveried best was seen rather busy taking care of the chief guest … an Army Commander… and following him dutifully at a distance. He had been detailed by the Commanding Officer (of the Armoured Regiment, hosting the function), to see that the GOC-in-C was ‘personally attended’. Over a period of time, the General told the young officer to relax since he was now in good company. The Captain promptly vanished with some of his friends, along with the only vintage bottle of the ‘rare brand’ meant only for the chief guest, thinking that the ‘old man’ had had enough and may not need more. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Meanwhile, when the ignorant CO made a generous offer of ‘one more Sir?’ and the General replied affirmatively, they waited in-vain till dinner was announced. Amends were made by a generous table of, both, Indian and Chinese cuisine but not without some difficult passage of awkward silences and facial bravado to overcome the earlier mishap. We will not dwell on the Captain’s fate ‘in the ‘morrow morn (where reward and retribution go hand in hand in equal measure) but his nickname as ‘Tipsy’ stuck throughout his service).
Then, of course, if you get a chance to visit a Gorkha Unit, do that during their Dusshera celebrations. They also stage an ‘Entertainment Programme‘ on Kalratri eve till midnight (with senior and sometimes very senior guests in attendance), which ends with prayers to the Goddess when the clock strikes ‘twelve’. The solemnity of the occasion though is no barrier to merry making and their skill at tomfoolery is something known only to those who have served with them. Even then, the Battalion Commander of one of these Units couldn’t believe his eyes (and ears) when he saw Havaldar Harke Magar and his troupe enact the scene of the Unit’s bungling in a recent Formation Training Exercise and being fired by the Divisional Commander, rather mercilessly, while the CO had vainly tried to justify the ‘crime’; and was so put off that no sooner had the General and his entourage left, he had angrily told the Adjutant, ‘Withdraw all the extra manpower provided by us to his HQs till the Old Fool comes back to his senses.” That was in the past but presently it was enacted (more or less verbatim in broken English and Nepali) even as they were both sitting side by side. While the CO had great difficulty in keeping a straight face, the Divisional Commander, who happened to be from the same regiment, and his crowd, kept laughing till the show was over.
Later, the General was seen warmly embracing the Commanding Officer while taking leave (and perhaps ‘all was well that ends well). The CO also rose to be a General and who can say Havaldar Harke Magar had no hand in it!
Battlefields or civvy streets … life would indeed be dull without it, and let’s wind it up here, but not before a reminder. It is widely known how Field Marshal SHFJ Manekshaw became Sam Bahadur overnight. Much later, when asked in an interview as to how he felt about the incident and the soldier who gave him that unthinkable name with the confidence of a Czar, he replied, ‘I never felt more honoured’ and turned it into one of the most chivalrous humour in our Army. And, of course, there will be none like Sam. Join the Forces and there is never a dull moment. Glory be to it.
