By Col Bhaskar Bharti (Retd)
A couple of days ago, I read a write up in a leading national newspaper that the Uttarakhand Government is contemplating splitting the financial assistance being provided to the defence forces soldiers/officers who lay down their lives in the line of duty, between their wives and parents. Earlier, the grants/assistance was given to spouses as next of kin as per the norms for married individuals. In recent times, such debates have become more prevalent, more so after social network awareness and more cases of conflicts in the families regarding grants/assistance. Instances show that various conflicts have risen in the families after the grants and assistance was handed over to the spouse or the parents in case of unmarried individuals. A few cases have emerged where spouses have taken all the benefits after the tragic demise of their husbands and moved out of the in-laws’ home without taking adequate care in respect of monetary and emotional aspects of the bereaved parents/parent. On the contrary, in some cases, parents/relatives of the soldiers have taken the grants/assistance and literally ousted daughters-in- law from their homes. Cases of disputes are increasing every day and certainly need to be addressed holistically.
Economic/ Materialistic Aspects
The families who have lost their loved ones are shattered emotionally and a big void is created in their lives. Parents lose their sons, wives lose their husbands and children lose their fathers. Coping with the tragedy comes with the integral problem of financial shortage and greedy and vested interests seep in at all levels. Defence Forces have well documented and time-tested orders and procedures for disbursements of pensions/financial assistance, etc. However, at the state level, such grants and assistance are flexible and at times politically motivated. Also, various states have divergent policies probably coloured by their political ideologies. There is an urgent need to structure policies for such grants/assistance holistically at the state level. In view of financial assistance/grant received by the spouse/parents, the tussle between them to take maximum benefit emerged out of such unfortunate situations. Materialistic aspects take over emotional and other intangible aspects of the loss.
Emotional / Social Aspects
Parents who have lost their son really undergo emotional trauma and take the loss in their stride with heavy hearts. At that stage, financial aspects do not matter to them. After some time when things become normal, the aspect of financial grants/ assistance takes over. Similarly, the lady with or without children, who untimely loses her life partner in such tragic incidents, is left alone in this world to look after herself and her children, if any. In the majority of cases, the emotional support of the family ceases for spouses. Later, emotional /social aspects are superseded by financial aspects. At times, parents claim that they have been neglected by their daughters-in-law and, in some cases, parents are to blame for ill-treating their daughters-in-law and try to get the grants/assistance in their names. It’s really a very sensitive and delicate issue which needs to be addressed with utmost maturity and holistically, thereby giving the spouse and the family a respectable solution.
Own Experiences
In my 33 years of service in the Indian Army, I have personally experienced and handled such issues of my command (officers / soldiers). The social background is the key aspect in such issues. Rural background individuals face different problems and have a different mindset. Urban individuals face different challenges. But one thing is common that such issues can only be addressed case by case, individual by individual. No pre-set templates or formulae can be successful in addressing such sensitive and emotional issues. The educational background of the family also plays a major role in handling such a situation.
Way Forward
It’s encouraging that the Uttarakhand Government is thinking of holistically addressing this issue pragmatically and starting a good initiative as a Good Samaritan. Splitting of state level assistance/ grants should be done case by case on the merits, by forming a qualified and well informed committee/board which should have persons from the defence forces also, along with politicians and bureaucrats so that their inputs can be factored in deciding the splitting formula. Female members should also be an integral part of such a committee. Merely forming a committee and splitting the grants/assistance mathematically with set formula will not do justice to the bereaved spouse/family. Remember, the lady and the family has suffered an irreparable loss and it’s our duty to address issues of grants/ assistance sensitively and in a dignified manner so that the right tribute is given to the fallen hero.
‘A country can become a great country, only if her fallen heroes and veterans are respected and honoured.’
(The writer is an Indian Army Veteran with an illustrious career of 33 years. He is also a ‘Post Graduate in Journalism & Mass Communication’ & ‘Post Graduate in Human Resource Management’. He is a keen writer and has a passion for painting, singing, photography & creative writing. Presently, he is pursuing acting in theatre, films and web series. He regularly writes on topics of general interest. He is based in Dehradun.)
