By Col Sudhir Rana (Retd)
Recently one of my friends sent me a video of the sad story of Mr Singhania of Raymond’s and his estranged relationship with his son. It is a sorry tale of breakdown of a relationship between a father and a son. My friend wanted my take on the video.
What led to this unpleasant situation is difficult to guess because we do not know the perspective of the other side. It is therefore impossible to judge. In my view, life is not black and white but multiple shades of grey. It is not even a case of right and wrong. There might be several interpretations of the above situation.
Modern life is hectic, full of stress and it demands long hours of work and commitment. It leads to neglect of the other equally important aspect i.e. family needs. Sometimes lack of attention leads to distance in relationships and breaking down of family as a unit. It is very difficult to pinpoint who is responsible for the sorry situation of Mr Singhania. But an elderly man in the evening of his life, is left alone out in the cold without the warmth of a family around.
We can only explore the possibilities:
- With increasing influence of consumerism, the man is running behind mirage of more money, more power and more control. In this mad race, the families are being neglected and relationships are being taken for granted. Qualities like love, mutual respect and sense of nurturing relationships are missing in a modern hectic life. As a result, the parents are substituting quality time and bonding with provision of money, gifts and toys. Children are left in the care of nannies and in hostels and thus do not develop closeness with parents, who over a period of time become ATM machines for kids.
- There is no place for moral education in schools or home. Nuclear families have no grandparents, uncles, aunts or cousins to share your happiness, pain or fears with. Nobody tells the younger generation bedtime stories. Nobody talks about what is right and wrong. Normally grandparents do not live with the nuclear family. They do not eat together, play together or laugh and cry together. The children, therefore, soon find solace in the company of social media and strange friends. Lack of emotional support and guidance from elders leads to risky behaviour and alienation. The children and young folks start confiding in their colleagues, and the worst, on social media in search of false solace in such groups. This association might end up in risky behaviour, drugs and delinquent / self-destructive or even criminal behaviour.
- Most youngsters nowadays want to go to different towns other than where their parents reside, to enjoy freedom and escape parental/ social scrutiny. They indulge in risky and irresponsible behaviour.
- Some parents are also at fault who prioritise their comforts, pleasures and ambitions over children. They escape responsibility by giving money, cars and freedom to the children.
- Sometimes the parents’ own conduct at home towards the grandparents has been cold. The children, in such a situation, also learn wrong lessons and therefore you are paid in the same coin.
- Sometimes it is sheer bad luck and children leave you behind in their race for a better and brighter future.
So what should one do to avoid this trap? Here are a few suggestions:
- Never barter your self-respect and thank God that you had a good life. Make an effort to keep yourself and your spouse fit both physically and financially as far as possible.
- Instead of waiting for children endlessly, have a life, have a few friends, see the world, do charity and have a hobby. In brief do whatever makes you happy.
The people of my post-independence generation are in the evening of their lives. The lucky ones have their children and grandchildren around them, while the rest of us are spending our lives in empty nests. The children are busy trying to chase their dreams and are struggling to meet increasing demands of a modern life. At least we have lived our lives reasonably well and still have friends and relations for support. I shudder when I think of the future of the present generation, which is avoiding marriage and does not want children. Most of them will live to be hundred due to better life expectancy but I wonder whether those long years of old age will be happy or lonely.
