By Praveen Chandhok
A few days ago, a well-wisher called me early in the morning and shared a simple thought, perfectly captured by the quote below:
“Whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say about you and that’s life.”
There was nothing particularly new in those words. Most of us have heard some version of them before. Yet sometimes an old truth reaches us at exactly the right moment and suddenly carries a different weight.
The fact is that people rarely see us exactly as we are. They see us through the prism of their own experiences, expectations, prejudices and insecurities. The same action can appear generous to one person, calculating to another and foolish to a third. Our intentions may be sincere, yet they can still be misunderstood, questioned or even deliberately distorted.
Perhaps that is simply one of the realities of being human: perception is not always truth.
Do something worthwhile and someone may question your motive. Remain silent and your silence may be mistaken for arrogance. Speak your mind and you may be called difficult. Succeed, and sometimes the criticism becomes louder, not quieter. Make one mistake, and there will always be someone willing to make that mistake the definition of your entire character.
If we spend our lives trying to correct every misunderstanding and satisfy every critic, at some point we stop living our own lives and begin performing for an audience that can never be fully satisfied.
Osho captured this idea beautifully in describing “your authentic self which does not depend on anybody’s opinion, attention, criticism, indifference”. In The Great Pilgrimage: From Here to Here, he expresses the central truth: we cannot safely entrust our sense of worth to others.
That does not mean becoming deaf to advice or dismissing every criticism. Self-respect should not be confused with stubbornness. Honest feedback from people who genuinely care for us can be invaluable. We must retain the humility to examine ourselves, admit our mistakes and change where change is required.
But criticism deserves examination not automatic obedience.
Instead of asking, “What are people saying about me?” ask, “Is there any truth in what they say?”
If there is, learn from it.
If there is not, let it pass.
One of the prices of living with conviction is accepting that we will sometimes be misunderstood. Not every allegation requires an answer. Not every narrative needs to be corrected. Constantly defending ourselves can, in its own way, become another form of dependence on the very approval we claim not to need.
Too often, we give people who barely know us the power to disturb our peace. A remark, a rumour, an accusation or an opinion begins occupying our mind. We replay it. We defend ourselves against it in imaginary conversations. We allow someone else’s perception to become the measure of our happiness.
Why should we?
Our peace is too valuable to be placed in the hands of every passing opinion.
There comes a point in life when we must understand our own worth without constantly seeking external certification. Approval is pleasant, but it cannot be the foundation of identity. Applause is temporary. Criticism is temporary too.
Character is what remains when both have faded.
You cannot silence every voice, so Let Them Talk.
Live with integrity. Be accountable for your actions. Correct yourself when you are wrong. But when your conscience is clear, do not spend your life pleading to be understood by everyone.
Be what you want to be not recklessly, not selfishly, but authentically.
Know your worth. Understand your value. Protect your peace.
Other people’s opinions may describe how they see you.
They do not have to define who you are.
(Praveen Chandhok is a Proud Josephite, Entrepreneur, Socialite, and Writer.)
