By Col Sudhir Rana (Retd)
Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.” – Christy Evans
It is said that if you want to count the riches of a man, please count how many friends he has. Because, this is one relation which is based upon goodwill, genuine mutual affection, trust and respect. In the present days, when we are getting more and more isolated and living in private cocoons of the virtual and digital world, the need to have good friends is becoming more relevant and essential for our emotional health. Friendship is one commodity which has no hidden fine print agenda. That is why most true friendships develop in our childhood and schools. In the present stressful and competitive school atmosphere, I wonder whether youngsters have time and patience to invest in lifelong friendships. Perhaps most of them are seeking company to pass time. I do admit this might be a wrong assumption in several cases.
In the near future, the life expectancy of the average human being will rise to around 100 years. On the flip side, the institution of marriage is breaking down and the newer generation does not want to have children. As a result you will find more and more senior citizens in this world who will suffer from loneliness and isolation in their long senior years. On the other hand there will be sufficiently large number of young people trapped in the virtual and AI generated world, without genuine emotional support and warm company of a friend.
Therefore, at both ends of the spectrum of life, I fear that loneliness is bound to rise. In the absence of brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents and relatives due to breakdown of family as a unit, a modern human will find it hard to find genuine friendship. It is said that at least 100 touches are needed to develop a bond. But then how do you physically touch your virtual friends? You can only text LOL and heart emojis to them in cyber space. Besides many of these friends are also business or career competitors. So where do you find a genuine friend in the modern world?
Having good friends makes us happier and healthier. And when we think of friendships, more often than not, we think of people who are generally around our own age. It is mainly due to feeling of comfort with each other, similar ideas and aspirations and expectations. We generally don’t want to explore friendship outside our familiar areas. We are afraid of charting unfamiliar sea. Therefore our friends are generally from similar backgrounds.
When you look at the senior age group, mostly, they try to live in their past, they moan about their sickness, loss of their role in day to day living. Most of them are critical of the behaviour and attitude of younger people. They tend to tell everyone, how great were their times and how good they were. They expect youngsters to learn, seek advice from them and obey them. They wear old age as an armour and badge to control impatient youngsters because their physical and mental abilities are slowing down and they cannot match the stamina of the young.
Only if you make an effort to understand the young people, you will learn newer thing, ideas and technology. You will get new enthusiasm and zeal to live fully. You will be pleasantly surprised to know how brilliant and innovative they are. I enjoy the conversation with young minds. They open newer windows of exciting ideas. You will also learn how not only to hoard like a bee, but also spend to have newer experiences. Your outlook will change and your pace will develop newer springs.
“A true friend does not just hear your words.
He hears your silences too.”
On the other hand, younger generation is busy struggling and charting a newer path. Their language is new and cannot be deciphered by seniors. They find pontification and repetitive retelling of old stories boring and irritating. They don’t have time and patience to have a dialogue with hard of hearing, blur visioned, slow thinking physically challenged old persons. Due to this impatience, the young people miss out on several skills, they need to survive in modern concrete jungles. When they interact with oldies, they learn to be patient and to slow down. When they hear the same stories once more and even then remain respectful and polite, they learn tolerance. When they hear the experiences and mistakes of the elderly, they will try to avoid those shortcomings. When they interact with seniors, they will realise that money is not the desirable currency, the more important one is time. If you use time as currency, then you will use it judiciously and become a more responsible and disciplined individual. Once you develop a friendship with a senior person, it will have a calming effect on you. You will learn to be careful. You will be told to have an emergency nest too.
Cross-generational friendships bridge age gaps of 15 years or more, offering unique benefits like shared wisdom, reduced loneliness, and fresh cultural perspectives. While most people stick to peer groups, connecting across ages enriches lives through mutual growth.
In short, try to have good friends who have no vested interests in you. Let them be from all age groups to develop more fulfilling experience and company. Someone told me, do have friends in your age group, but you must also have friends who are much younger and much older than you. Such a spectrum of friends will make your journey more meaningful and enriching.
“Because of you
I laughed a bit harder
Cried a little less
Smiled a little more.”
