By Dr Brij Mohan Sharma & Prof Dr Deepika Chamoli Shahi
Recently, a heartbreaking accident occurred, one that has deeply affected us and stirred up emotions that we’ve been reflecting on ever since. It was a stark reminder of how quickly things can change, and how vulnerable our children are in a world that, despite of all our technological advancements, can still be full of unexpected risks and distractions.
This tragic event has stayed with us not only because of the pain it caused, but also because of the realisation that, in the end, the greatest loss is often borne by the parents. We are the ones who must live with the aftermath—the guilt, the questions, and the weight of responsibility. No matter the circumstances, the grief of losing a child is something no parent should ever have to endure. And yet, it happens.
For us, this incident has brought into sharp focus the urgency of being proactive when it comes to parenting. While we cannot protect our children from every danger, we can certainly take measures to mitigate some of the risks they face. Every day we face choices, whether it’s about how much time they spend on screens, how much attention we give to their safety in the car, or how we model healthy behaviours and mindfulness.
Road traffic injuries (RTI) are the eighth leading cause of death globally and the leading cause of death for young people aged 15-29 years. Current trends suggest that by 2030, road traffic deaths will become the fifth leading cause of death unless urgent action is taken (Kuru Dindi, 2019)
There is an urgent need for parents to teach children how to stay focused and deliberate in an age where distractions are constant.
In today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world, children are constantly bombarded with distractions—from smartphones and social media to digital games and even multitasking at school. These distractions can impede their ability to focus, think critically, and make thoughtful decisions.
As parents it is our duty to guide our children by providing them with the right kind of teaching in the quality time we spend with them. As per our understanding there are few significant points that we need to reiterate for a better future for our children.
We Need to Work on Our Parenting Style
- Instilling Patience: In about one-third of RTAs, inappropriate speed is the major cause. Collisions at 20 mph result in a 5% risk of death, whilst those at 85 mph result in an 85% risk of death and this behaviour is a sign of impatience. Parents, as primary caregivers and role models, play a pivotal role in nurturing these qualities in their children. By modelling cautious behaviour, setting clear boundaries, encouraging self-reflection, and promoting resilience, parents can help their children build patience necessary to thrive in an increasingly distracted world.
- Focus: Distractions have become an inevitable part of modern life, particularly with the rise of digital technology. For children, who are still developing their cognitive and emotional skills, constant distractions can have a detrimental impact on their focus, learning abilities, and emotional well-being. The more children are exposed to interruptions—whether from digital devices, peers, or external stimuli—the harder it becomes for them to stay focused and make thoughtful, deliberate decisions. Some key negative effects of distractions on children include decreased attention span, impulsivity, reduced emotional regulation, and difficulty with problem-solving.
Investigations of vehicle collision records have also implicated excessive speed (Gonzales et al., 2005; Lam, 2003), driving recklessly (Lam, 2003), and traffic violations (Gonzales et al., 2005) as well as drugs and alcohol (Bingham et al., 2008) in the collisions of young drivers. As elders we are bound to talk about these facts to our children so that no family faces a heartburning situation. No parent should have to mourn for their children. To counter these challenges, parents need to teach their children how to approach distractions with a sense of caution and patience, thereby helping them manage their attention and emotional responses in more deliberate and effective ways.
- Solution focussed approach: In this fast-paced techno sway world we all are just rushing in our day to day lives. Most of the time we are bogged down by our poor problem solving and time management skills. We must not forget that parents are models and children mimic our behaviour to learn the role that they have to play in the near future. Hence the child should be trained mindfully since birth.
Tips to incorporate the much needed changes in our lives
- Disciplined life: Life without discipline is like a wandering monkey. Children thrive in structured environments where they understand what is expected of them. By setting clear routines and boundaries, parents can help children develop a sense of discipline, which is critical for cultivating both cautiousness and patience. When children know that there are designated times for focused work, breaks, and play, they are less likely to be overwhelmed by distractions. Parents can create a designated study space, where children can focus on homework or other tasks without interruptions. This could include minimising phone use, turning off the TV, and limiting access to social media during study time. Setting technology limits is also important, as parents can establish guidelines for screen time and digital device use.
- Be a good problem solver by enhancing mindfulness through mindful practices: Parents can engage in mindful practices such as taking breaks to breathe, slowing down, or reflecting before making decisions. This helps children see that patience and thoughtfulness are intentional choices.
- Solution focussed approach: While making decisions, parents can talk through their thought process out loud—whether it’s deciding how to spend money, handle a stressful situation, or prioritise tasks. This allows children to see the value of taking time to assess options and consider outcomes before acting. Moreover, parents can show the importance of avoiding distractions by limiting their own device use when spending time with family or working on a task. By doing so, they set a clear example of prioritising focus over instant gratification.
- Pause and reflect before acting: One of the best ways to foster cautiousness and patience in children is by encouraging them to pause and reflect before acting. This builds self-control and helps children develop the ability to resist the urge to react impulsively to distractions. Parents can teach children to recognise their emotional triggers and practice techniques for managing them. Encouraging children to pause and think before reacting to distractions or making decisions is a simple but effective strategy. For instance, if they’re about to switch from homework to watching TV, parents can ask them to take a moment to consider how that might affect their tasks or goals. Parents can also teach impulse control by guiding children through the process of stopping, thinking, and choosing a more thoughtful action.
- Teach Decluttering/ disengaging techniques: Techniques like counting to ten or deep breathing can be effective tools for managing impulsive behaviour. After completing a task, parents can ask children to reflect on how well they focused and how they managed distractions. Questions like “What was the hardest part of staying focused?” or “How did you feel when you stayed on task for a long time?” help children internalise the value of patience and mindfulness.
- Enhancing Resilience— the ability to manage frustration without impulsivity. Parents can foster this by teaching calm responses to setbacks and coping strategies for impatience. Validating emotions while highlighting the rewards of patience helps children manage their feelings. Activities like saving for a toy, practicing an instrument, or engaging in time-consuming tasks teach delayed gratification and long-term goal setting. In a world full of distractions and instant gratification, parents play a key role in helping children develop caution and patience.
By modelling thoughtful behaviour, setting boundaries, and encouraging emotional regulation, parents can help children stay focused, resist distractions, and make informed decisions in an increasingly complex world. We are shaping the future of our children, let’s shape it together mindfully.
(Prof Dr Deepika Chamoli Shahi is a Psychologist and Clinical Hypnotherapist, and Founder and Director Speakingcube Online Mental Health Consulting Foundation, Adjunct Faculty SNHU and Saint Leo University, USA)
