By Ravi Singh Negi
After academics and professional talks, love, sex, marriage and live-in-relationships are the most discussed topic amongst youth today. Live-in-relationship is a concept under which a man and woman live together under the same roof without getting married. On the other hand, in India, marriage is a social sanction of the union, and it is accomplished through various rituals and ceremonies. It is a sacramental institution, and the very essence of marriage is based on the principles of obligation, tolerance and responsibilities.
A live-in-relationship is a sharp deviation from the traditional matrimonial culture in India. Certainly, western culture has great influence on this rapidly growing social transformation, which was initially concentrated in metropolitan cities, but is now spreading in small towns and cities rapidly. Reasons behind live-in-relationship are the family resistance to love marriages, especially inter-religious and inter-caste marriages, and to avoid marital obligations and responsibilities. The other important factors are individual liberty and personal growth, and of course physical intimacy is the essential part. The Apex Court of India has supported and legalised live-in-relationships to protect the couple from social and family threats. Still, there are many issues like property, children, maintenance after separation and individual rights, etc., left to be resolved.
Even though, legal acceptance has been accorded to such relationships, yet the matter is considered highly debatable in society on the cultural and social levels. Those who favour the concept are of the opinion that such relationships provide the opportunity to test compatibility between couples, financial support or shared financial burden, reduced formalities and complexities of marriage, personal liberty, i.e., there are no family restrictions and responsibilities with less legal and societal pressure, learning to compromise, share individual responsibilities in household chores and to know each other’s lifestyles and professional and individual growth.
On the other hand, the arguments of the section of society that opposes the concept are based on the social and cultural value system. Live-in relationships face opposition primarily due to societal norms that prioritise marriage as the only acceptable form of union, particularly among older generations. This opposition stems from a deeply ingrained cultural and religious perspective where marriage is seen as the foundation of family and society. While live-in relationships are not illegal, they are often viewed as morally questionable and a departure from traditional values. In addition, live-in couples are boycotted socially. Families also fear social backlash or loss of face if their children are involved in such relationships. It is also considered bad if a person breaks the lifelong relationship with his/her parents and close relatives. It is argued that if lifelong ties with the parents and siblings are broken for newly born love, how would this new relationship survive? In Indian society, it is assumed that when children grow-up, they will look after their parents and family, but when these persons break ties with parents and family, it brings social stigma and deep trauma to them.
With easy global social media accessibility, society and culture are changing at a rapid pace and the live-in-relationship is an inescapable part of it. Experts say that the live-in-relationship just for the sake of liberty, to share expenditure, running away from responsibilities and to check compatibility of each other are purely selfish motives on the part of partners. Any stable relationship, either in a marriage or live-in-relationship, is based on love in the form of Pragma and not Eros. Pragma is enduring love with understanding, commitment and faith. In the live-in concept, when partners seek to test compatibility, understanding and other matters generated out of selfish motives, it is not based on Pragma, hence, the chances of such relationship turning into success are remote. The live-in-relationship is basically considered a trial marriage, but it does not guarantee the success of marriage. Surveys suggest that the majority of live-in-relationships end in a break-up, causing trauma to the couple. The remaining ones which are converted into marriage mostly end in divorce, and the rest, after lots of compromises continue as successful marriages but rarely as happy marriages. The reason behind it is very simple – “No one can create a real married life situation in a live-in arrangement”. The live-in situation arises only in the absence of Pragma or commitment and faith. If Pragma is present, the couple will directly go for marriage. Pragma cannot be developed through live-in arrangement, it makes the former feeble.
To tackle the situation, parents, families and society have to give up age old beliefs and thoughts, accept the change, work in harmony with the younger generation and reduce the generation gap. The younger generation should also adopt healthy communication with parents and family members to understand their views and beliefs and share their social and family responsibilities.
(Ravi Singh Negi is an Advocate, Social Worker and Marriage/Academic Counsellor.)
