By Praveen Chandhok
Perfectionism, at first glance, can seem like a noble pursuit. It promises the allure of flawless achievements and impeccable standards. Yet, beneath its polished veneer lies a trap that can stifle growth, creativity, and genuine satisfaction. I’ve walked the path of perfectionism myself and learned that this seemingly virtuous trait can become a crippling burden.
Perfectionism is not about the pursuit of excellence. Instead, it resembles a mirage in a desert, always appearing close but perpetually out of reach. It’s an endless quest to attain standards so high that they are nearly impossible to meet. This pursuit leads to a cycle of self-criticism and frustration, where no accomplishment ever feels good enough.
Imagine a sculptor who chisels away at a statue, never satisfied with the form, always finding a flaw to correct. While the pursuit of art demands dedication, perfectionism paralyses the sculptor, preventing them from ever completing their masterpiece. Similarly, perfectionism in our lives hinders us from appreciating our achievements, as we constantly focus on perceived imperfections.
There have been various instances in my life where I’ve burdened myself with a heavy workload in the quest for perfection. In trying to do it all, I thought I was becoming a better version of myself. But my daughter, with her wisdom, once explained it to me in a way that struck a chord. She shared a beautiful quote: “Doing it all does not make you a better person, more capable or more worthy. It just makes you more prone to Burnout.” Her words resonated deeply with me, reminding me that we don’t have to carry the weight of perfectionism to prove our worth.
The core issue with perfectionism lies in its binary nature: success is perfect, and anything less is a failure. This black-and-white thinking overlooks the myriad of colours and shades that make up human experience. In reality, life is a mosaic of successes, mistakes, and lessons learned. By embracing this complexity, we can find beauty in the imperfect and the unfinished.
Consider a gardener tending to a rose bush. If the gardener demanded perfection from every bloom, they would miss the unique beauty of each flower, with its distinct petals and subtle variations. Perfectionism blinds us to the value of diversity and the richness of individual experiences. It makes us fear failure to the point where we might not even try.
Perfectionism also carries a heavy emotional toll. The constant pressure to be flawless creates anxiety and stress. It’s like carrying a weight that grows heavier with each step. Over time, this burden can lead to burnout and a diminished sense of self-worth. We begin to measure our value solely by our ability to meet impossible standards.
To break free from the chains of perfectionism, we must learn to give ourselves permission to be imperfect. Embracing imperfection means accepting that mistakes are not only inevitable but essential for growth. Think of a young child learning to walk. They stumble and fall countless times, but each fall teaches them how to balance and move forward. Without these falls, they would never learn to walk.
Similarly, our missteps and failures are opportunities for growth. They teach us resilience, creativity, and problem-solving. By allowing ourselves to make mistakes, we open the door to new possibilities and innovations. We start to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats.
Another crucial step in overcoming perfectionism is to celebrate progress rather than perfection. Instead of focusing on what remains undone or imperfect, acknowledge what you have accomplished. This shift in perspective helps build a positive mindset and fosters self-compassion. Remember, even the grandest of structures were built one brick at a time.
In conclusion, perfectionism may promise the allure of a flawless life, but it ultimately leads to dissatisfaction and missed opportunities. By embracing imperfection, we allow ourselves to grow, learn, and appreciate the unique beauty of our journey. Life is not about being perfect; it’s about being real, being human, and finding joy in the imperfectly perfect moments. Let go of the unattainable ideals, and give yourself the grace to be wonderfully, beautifully imperfect.
(The author is former President, SJA Alumni Association, Dehradun, (2021-2023, 2015-2017)