By Praveen Chandhok
As one academic session closes and another begins with fresh notebooks and renewed routines, parents across the country have already made choices – the schools, the streams, the tutors, the timetables. But amid this well-meaning pursuit of excellence, I feel compelled to ask – what are we truly raising our children to be?
I wrote this article first in April 2010 for Garhwal Post with a deep conviction that, while we may raise our children to become doctors, lawyers, engineers, law officers, or professionals of any kind, the essence of their existence means little if they are not, above all, good human beings.
Recent events have shaken this belief into sharper focus. A Class 9 student shooting a teacher in Kashipur. A Class 10 boy stabbing his classmate to death in Gujarat. These aren’t scenes from a dark fictional dystopia – they are the terrifying truths of our times. Even more unsettling was a conversation I had with the principal of a prestigious boarding school. While the school conducted a three-day Art of Living workshop, the students of Class 8 were busy fighting and creating chaos – entirely detached from the spirit of the programme.
In our overindulgence and obsession, many of us have come to idolise our children to the extent of blind support – even when they’re wrong. We’ve outsourced discipline to schools while demanding grades and accolades. But schools are not miracle factories. They are facilitators. The foundation of values – honesty, empathy, resilience, and kindness – must be laid at home. Our children emulate us. If we, as parents, are distracted, disrespectful, or entitled, our children will echo the same. It is our duty to provide them not just resources, but also time, presence, and moral grounding.
I recall vividly an interview at a renowned public school in Delhi in 2004, when we sought admission for our son. The headmistress, clearly unimpressed, asked us what we wanted our child to become. We replied without hesitation: “A good human being.” She was taken aback – perhaps even disappointed. She had expected an answer framed in ambition – a doctor, an IAS officer, an engineer, a chartered accountant.
But I still stand by that answer. Our son wasn’t even four. How could we plan a profession for someone who hadn’t yet entered school? Our role was to nurture the fundamentals – integrity, empathy, curiosity – that would empower him to choose his own path with courage and clarity. Isn’t that what education is meant to do?
Taken aback by the headmistress’s response, I wrote a letter to the Principal, expressing my concerns about the tone and spirit of the interview, which I felt stood in stark contrast to the very ideologies of Nelson Mandela that the school claimed to uphold. To my surprise, the headmistress called me soon after, offering an apology and inviting my son to join the school. But by then, our decision was made. My Alma Mater called for my children – and I answered that call.
At a seminar in the same school, a visiting psychologist once asked: “What should a school really teach?” I responded that before ABCD becomes ‘A for Apple’ and ‘B for Ball’, why not reframe it?
- A is for Attitude
- B is for Behaviour
- C is for Communication
- D is for Discipline
Imagine a world where schools and homes reinforce this ethos together.
Ironically, that same school revered Nelson Mandela – a man whose legacy lies not just in political triumph, but in moral courage, forgiveness, and humanity. What made him great was not his position, but his personhood.
We must reframe success. It is not defined solely by career milestones or bank balances, but by compassion, confidence, generosity, and a smile that no adversity can steal. And only a good human being can possess these qualities.
So, let’s ask ourselves – are we raising children or puppets programmed to perform? Are we cultivating professionals or nurturing souls?
If schools, families, and society together focus on raising good human beings first, we will have better officers, better doctors, better chartered accountant, better lawyers, better engineers – and most importantly, a better world.
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.”
~ Khalil Gibran
(Praveen Chandhok is a proud Josephite, Entrepreneur, Socialist and Writer.)
