By Geetanjali Sharma
The past few weeks have been emotionally exhausting. As a new parent, sometimes I feel guilty to express my tiredness knowing that my mother and grandmothers have done way more work while keeping their children safe. It so happened that when my feelings did pour out and formed swirls of mismatched moods, my family came to my rescue and my mind could relax.
This week, I thought a lot. A lot about the world I have lived in, a world I moved to and now a world I find most love in.
When I moved abroad to pursue my post-graduate degree, I had no idea what to expect. The first step was the hardest as a feeling of hesitation lingers until you board your flight. A world you have always known to a world beyond the horizon, no one prepares you for the journey you embark upon. The day I departed I knew nothing will ever be quite the same again. Not because the home I was leaving behind was going to change but the person returning one day would not be the same.
Silence settles down in your bones and the unrest of having no one around creeps in. I learnt to be alone at the dining table while overhearing a conversation in a language that didn’t belong to me. This was the reality not just for a night but for a while. But with each passing day, loneliness became solitude. The silence became my comfort zone and calls back home filled the void, as little and as much as was possible. Slowly, the shift made the noise of nothingness vanish and routine set in.
As days turned into weeks and months passed by, I turned into someone who understood life better. Someone who could read emotions better. Someone who rose up and stood strong with more knowledge of what she wanted. Moving abroad didn’t change me, it helped me learn more of me – my craziness and sensitivity, my fears and force, my ability to love and let go!
As a student, I quickly made peace with the fact that people come and go like seasons. Close friends may never return to ask if you are okay. Lovers may turn into strangers. And acquaintances may become friends with time. There is no permanence. So, letting go and moving on was the only way to stay calm.
Once you have lived abroad, you will relate to this – home is no longer a single place. It’s not just a country printed on your passport, it’s you. It’s the love you carry, the moments you have cherished, the people you have made everlasting connections with. Once you start accepting and realising this, you’ll stop looking for home, rather, you’ll be creating it everywhere you go.
My adventure as an international student was a learning curve. From exploring the countryside with a close group to going on many solo trips across the country. From enjoying their way of life to never losing touch with my roots. From building great friendships to finding some scars. Such teachings through culture and community guided me to enjoy and share experiences with people from other nationalities.
It has been a journey of inspiration and strength, opportunity and accomplishment, struggle and determination, pain and patience, love and support, and finally, fulfilment and happiness.
The journey continues and now with my baby in it, it feels better, more beautiful. As weeks pass, I notice him grow and develop, leaving me with a constant reminder that time is precious and he too will, one day, find his own muse and create his own version of life. So, being present in joy and in need is the finest gift I can present him.
As I look back, memories hold me tight. They remind me of how much my heart has grown and my mind feels fortunate to know all that it does. The person who returned home was different. More focused and less stressed, more confident and less afraid, more herself than ever before. Now, with little hands discovering little toes, my smile speaks for all the experiences that are in store for him. His own box of treasures is waiting to unlock. Just like that, it is going to be his day of letting go and taking his first leap of faith – to grow and glide.
(Geetanjali Sharma is an author and communications specialist. She holds a post-graduate degree in international communication from Macquarie University, Australia.)
